Monday, December 19, 2011

To Fight a Bigger War (The Pirate Planet)

Well, I can poke at it for a bit, but eventually we're just
going to have to give in and invent some technobabble. 
It's September 30, 1978. John Travolta and Oliva Newton John are at the top of the charts with "Summer Nights," one of the classic cuts from Grease, and I'm going to go wash my fingers out with soap for even typing that phrase. This situation lasts for four weeks, and at two separate points other songs from Grease (John Travolta's solo "Sandy" and Frankie Valli's title track) also chart. In addition, ABBA, The Commodores, Exile (with "Kiss You All Over," a country song whose sales may owe more to the topless woman on the single cover than to the song itself), Electric Light Orchestra, and the Boomtown Rats also chart, the latter with something other than "I Don't Like Mondays."

People who do like Mondays include the New York Yankees, who defeat arch-rivals the Boston Red Sox to make it to the AL East title (having been 14 games out of place a mere two months earlier) on their way towards winning the World Series on Monday, October 2nd (they win it on Tuesday, October 17th), and Karol Józef Wojtyła, who becomes Pope John Paul II on Monday, October 16th. Other eventful days of the week include Sundays, as Tuvalu becomes independent from the UK and Vietnam attacks Cambodia; Fridays, as the first Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras takes place. Designed as protest march/commemoration of the Stonewall Riots, the event attains a permit which is then revoked, leading to numerous arrests and public outings of people for what had been legal activity; and Tuesdays, as a massive electrical fault brings down NASA's SEASAT satellite after only 105 days of operation.

While on Saturdays, we have The Pirate Planet. By far the least loved of Douglas Adams's three Doctor Who scripts and ranked a staggering fourth out of the six stories from this season in the Doctor Who Magazine poll, The Pirate Planet is, I think it's safe to say, a deeply under-appreciated story. Somewhat unusually, the reasons to criticize this story haven't changed much since 1978, with the major lines of critique closely paralleling the production difficulties the story had. These difficulties centered on two major concerns. First, Adams's scripts required substantial revision. This fact is taken by some as evidence of Adams's flaws as a writer, which would make total sense if the script editor hadn't, at the end of the season, recommended Adams as his replacement. All reports in fact suggest that the problem with Adams's scripts was excessive complexity. While I m not saying that this is prima facie not a problem, we ought be honest about the sort of problem it is. Writing above the level of complexity that Doctor Who ought go for is a heck of a lot easier to fix than being Bob Baker and David Martin is. That does not, of course, mean the script is good (though it is, as we'll see), but at the very least there's no strong reason to think it's bad.

The second problem that came up was when Head of Serials Graeme MacDonald objected to the story as it was shaping up on the grounds of its excessive humor. This objection was problematic in two reards. First, the entire reason that Williams was pursuing humorous scripts like those that would be expected from Douglas Adams is that he'd already been told not to pursue scary scripts, making this something of a case of "well what do you want me to do then." (This will not be the last time in which the BBC gives the production team seemingly contradictory instructions) Second, however, and rather more significantly, reading Douglas Adams's script as simply being "comedy" badly misunderstands what's going on here, albeit in a way that it's not quite clear that the people working on the story did not misunderstand it as well.

The first thing we should note about Adams's script is that there are some intensely serious issues lurking about underneath the humor. First and foremost is Adams's idea to do a story about drug addiction that took it seriously as a moral problem. The direct analogy between what's going on in this story and drug use faded somewhat in the final version, with it not being entirely clear in the transmitted version that Queen Xanxia is effectively a drug addict, but the basic logic is sound. Adams's idea is a classic science fiction idea, with its most famous execution probably being Ursula K. LeGuin's "The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas." The core of the idea is the basic philosophical debate over Utilitarianism: is a comparatively small amount of evil justifiable in the name of a greater practical good?

What interested Adams, essentially, was the question of what the moral justification for cracking down on drug use was given that the drug users themselves ostensibly do not suffer so much as enjoy themselves. Central to this was Queen Xanxia, suspended in the last moments of her life and requiring increasing power (i.e. drugs) to maintain her current state - a clear parallel to the way in which drug addicts require increasingly large doses to achieve the same high. This ultimately proves to be how he creates his new and improved moral case against drug addiction.

Contrasting that, however, is the fact that the bulk of the population of Zanak is perfectly happy with the default state of affairs. People repeatedly implore the Doctor not to get involved and upend things on the grounds that there are no visible problems - the planet is prosperous, everyone is more or less happy, and other than a mild psychic gang problem nothing is really wrong. Initially, at least, this is a world that not only resists the Doctor's intrusion but that does so out of a sense of legitimacy. The only thing that really drives the Doctor forward is a mystery of the sort that in any season other than the Key to Time season wouldn't even be a mystery. Yes, the planet isn't Calufrax, but the TARDIS lands on the wrong planet regularly, and the insistence that the coordinates check out would, absent the knowledge that the TARDIS actually is being driven to deliberate locations this season, come off as nothing more than the sort of "of course we're where I said we'd be" grumpiness that the Doctor has been engaging in since The Reign of Terror. As reasons to overthrow a society go, not only is this a relatively thin one, it's one that cuts against the basic shape of the program.

This is also where the alleged excessive humor of the story enters. On one level there is a constant sense, watching The Pirate Planet, that this is exactly what Adams was talking about when he complained about actors seeing comedy and deciding to do over the top performances and funny voices, with Bruce Purchase's Pirate Captain being the most obvious offender. But Adams here gives himself too little credit. Purchase's scene devouring is a perfect accompaniment to a story that already features an evil robotic parrot but (more brilliantly) features a fight scene between the parrot and K-9. The story is, let's be honest, willfully silly, and it's unmistakably Adams who is responsible for this.

No, the defense of the "silliness" in this story doesn't hinge on trying to sequester the blame to one or two people. It hinges on the fact that the silliness sets up one of the best shifts in tone that the series has ever managed. Between the overtly and almost excessively comedic texture of the world and the lack of any immediate threat the audience is lulled into a sense of utter complacency. This complacency is only heightened by the repeated stumbles the program has taken lately. At first every piece of evidence is that we're in Invisible Enemy territory again.

This is, admittedly, a bit of a risk. It's not as though the model that the story is flirting with has been a particularly successful one for the series. But on the other hand it's certainly one that is, at this point, well-defined within the series. For better or for worse... eh, why pretend. For worse, this is a part of what the program is now. You may as well use the tools you have, and The Pirate Planet certainly does.

The first and most famed twist comes with the Doctor's sputtering outrage at the Captain's plans, and Baker's monologue when asked whether he appreciates the engineering of Zanak is rightly hailed as one of the high points of his tenure. But the degree to which this monologue is praised obscures the degree to which it's shocking. Being the bit of this story fans all know about going in, its arrival is expected. And because it's such a great moment for Baker, there is a tendency to forget that its power comes from how unusual it is to see Baker like this.

For all of Baker's strutting and dominance, it's been a surprisingly long time since we've seen him take such an unambiguously moralistic stand. Typically Baker's rhetorical weapon against evil is dismissal, as characterized by his brilliant dismissal of the Rutan in Horror of Fang Rock, in which, instead of a stirring speech about the indomitable nature of human beings, he dismisses the Rutan as a "defeated dictator." Here, however, he's simmering with rage, and his condemnation of the moral obscenity of Zanak's genocidal existence is like nothing else we've ever seen from him. The scene would be par for the course for Pertwee, but from Baker's mouth it serves to, in one shot, escalate the stakes of the story. It's a brilliant contrast - one of the silliest stories we've ever seen is also the one that provokes the most furious reaction from the Doctor.

The second twist is less hailed, though Tat Wood praises it repeatedly in About Time. It comes at the start of the fourth episode as a cliffhanger about the Doctor being forced to walk the plank is revised. First, inevitably, some context. Over the course of the story there is a slow and relentless move to the foreground of a female character on the bridge of Zanak. When she first appears in the second episode, she seems to be an assistant of some sort to the Captain. In this capacity she attracts little attention. Indeed, for a viewer aware of the habits of individual directors, she looks like little more than the standard Pennant Roberts female character. (Roberts typically changed a male character into a female one when directing a story, generally to the betterment of the story) Slowly, however, she rises to the forefront.

At the start of the fourth episode the Doctor strides calmly into the room from which he was previously unceremoniously shoved down a kilometer drop and reveals that the Doctor who just fell to his death was in fact merely a holographic projection. This, however, is not the most remarkable thing about this cliffhanger resolution. The most remarkable thing about this cliffhanger resolution is the revelation that the nurse is also a holographic projection of Queen Xanxia, and that the entire systematic destruction of planets thing has just been to attain power to create a new body for her.

The fallout from this revelation ends up completely reconfiguring the audience's understanding of the story. Previously all evidence was that the Captain was in charge of the ship and the primary antagonist. But it quickly becomes clear that the Captain is enslaved to the queen, who effectively tortures him into compliance, and that he has been covertly plotting her downfall for years. And from there the stakes get escalated gloriously, with the story's climax involving the Doctor risking the destruction of the TARDIS itself to stop Zanak. This too should be stressed - not since The Time Monster have we seen this sort of risking of the TARDIS itself. Eventually this sort of thing becomes a standard arrow in the show's quiver, but at this point it's an enormously credible upping of the stakes. (And the final denouement - suddenly shrinking from the scale of TARDIS vs planet to having the Mentiads just hit something with a wrench - is a delightful moment of Holmesian logic; just as the scale becomes epic, the power of the mundane reasserts itself)

The effect is a classic case of the old absurdist technique of slowly turning a joke from funny to horrifying - the sort of thing that Beckett, Ionesco, or Albee just do for sport. And any criticism of the story as silly has to reckon with that fact, in no small part because to suggest that a comic writer of Adams's skill who came up through Monty Python (Adams had two bit appearances in the fourth and tragically John Cleese-free season of Flying Circus) wouldn't have known exactly what he was doing in making an absurdist turn towards darkness is just ridiculous. This is obviously what Adams intended the script to be.

There are flaws. Purchase's rendition of the Captain is weak not because of how ridiculous he is in the first three episodes - in fact, he's about the right amount of ridiculous there - but because he fails to stick the horror in the fourth episode, making the shock turn a conceptual twist as opposed to a visceral one. The sheer darkness of the Captain's situation is left just a little too vague.

It is, of course, a delicate balance. This particular absurdist turn is delicate to begin with. In most proper absurdist cases there's not a definitive turning point so much as a slow shift. (The textbook example, and I use this phrase in the quasi-literal sense of "the example I use to teach this" is Edward Albee's sublime Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, in which there is no particular moment where the intoxicated banter of the beginning of the play gives way to the horrifying attempts to ruin each other's lives that characterize the ending. Instead the audience is slowly moved from point A to point B, with the laughter gradually dying down to uncomfortable silence.) On top of that, dark comedy like this is tricky in Doctor Who in the first place. The Captain needs to not be horrifying to children who, as a general rule, are not the ideal audience for existential horror. With scarring children for life still off the menu following the Mary Whitehouse debacle, the show had to go for a sort of reversal of the formula for the old Adam West Batman series - a show that kids would think was funny but that would horrify adults.

All of which is to say that I think the criticism of this story is frankly bewildering. It has a complex and effective structure, even after Anthony Read simplified it, and its humor is in pursuit of a wicked purpose. On its own it would be a solid story and one of the best of the Williams era thus far. From a personal perspective, I'm not sure there are any stories in the classic series that I have been looking forward to quite as much as I was this one. I had a bewilderingly cursed run of luck with this story. Starting from the previously discussed problem that my parents' Tom Baker holdings consisted only of his first two stories, this story had the further distinction of not being novelized because Adams and Target couldn't agree to terms. Then when the VHS version came out, my copy of this story - and only this story - was defective, which is a tricky problem to fix when importing PAL tapes from the US. On top of that, the Romana era of Doctor Who was a massive favorite of my parents, and this was a story by Douglas Adams, so the repeated failures to get access to it were particularly agonizing.

It's not as though it was hard to get for the last while - it's been out on DVD for an age, and very little is hard to find anymore. But my interest in the classic series had waned by the time of those developments. (Part of why I decided to do this blog was to return to the classic series) So I never saw the thing until watching it for thsi blog. And all I can say in terms of its base quality is that it was more than I'd ever hoped. I'd expected intelligent and funny. I didn't expect a wickedly dark turn.

All of which said, everything this season has to be taken not only on its own terms but in terms of the larger Key to Time arc. At first glance this seems likely to be rough on most of the stories. The Key to Time arc is notoriously thin, and the stories don't really form together into an overall narrative so much as serve as six disconnected stories with a common MacGuffin. Certainly it is the case that everything this season could have functioned as a Doctor Who story outside of the Key to Time structure. But that's hardly a fault. Williams would have been insane to discard the basic format of Doctor Who.

The more interesting question for any given story is how it intersects with the philosophical concepts of the larger arc. With The Ribos Operation this was largely straightforward, as that story wore its philosophy on its sleeve. Here the matter is somewhat more complex. There are no obvious balances of competing forces or dualisms at play in this story, after all. Instead this story starts to look at the one thing that, in hindsight, was conspicuously absent from The Ribos Operation: the Key to Time

As described in the Ribos Operation, the Key to Time allows the universe to be paused and adjusted. Furthermore, its segments are scattered through space and time. These two facts are both, upon reflection, tremendously strange. The idea of stopping is, after all, a temporal concept. If the universe must be stopped at a particular point in order to maintain balance then there must be an inherent concept of "now." But in the context of beings that reign over even the Time Lords, that's at best dodgy.

Even stranger, though, is the idea that the segments are scattered across space and time. The second segment, for instance (and it's also strange that the segments appear to have a real order as opposed to the incidental order by which the Doctor finds them), is a planet. Planets have lifespans measured in the billions of years. To arrive upon Callufrax at a moment as significant as the Doctor does is far beyond the plausible realm of coincidence. And something like this happens with every segment. Despite the objects in question generally existing for thousands or millions of years, the Doctor somehow manages to turn up at moments when the objects are also at the heart of some other crisis.

Several possibilities exist, but ultimately all of them end up with some form of the conclusion that a segment of the Key is not merely an object but an object in a specific situation - i.e. that at any point prior to the Doctor's arrival Callufrax was in some sense not ripe yet. In which case it appears to be that a segment only properly becomes a segment in the midst of some crisis. But all of this just begs the question - what sort of crisis? Is there anything that distinguishes or defines a segment of the Key to Time beyond its status as a MacGuffin in the plot?

Well, there are some similarities to be drawn. Most obviously, five of the six segments are in some fashion stolen. Furthermore the theft of a segment usually, in some fashion at least, throws a more or less stable situation into chaos. This all makes thematic sense. Segments of the Key to Time maintain balance on the small scale just as the entire Key maintains balance on the large scale. And just as the large scale is in crisis, so is every segment in crisis. It borders, in fact, on the neat and tidy. Except that for two stories running we have writers who are taking the piss out of it. First Holmes decimated the notion of binary oppositions in The Ribos Operation. Now Adams decimates the basic idea of balance.

Because make no mistake, the theme of balance is still completely in play in this story. The shrunken remains of planets are in a delicate and perfect balance within the Captain's collection. Queen Xanxia herself is at a balancing point between life and death, and there's a clear theme of balance between the destruction of planets and the luxuries of Zanak, with the growing power of the Mentiads reflecting the shifting nature of that balance. All of those themes are absolutely there.

But Adams puts those elements there in part to be blown away by the sheer and horrific depravity of what Zanak is. This is the first time in some time - I can't even think of the last time, actually - that we've found genocide in practice. Sure, the Doctor has defeated genocidal tyrants before. (Finally, a joke so obscurantist I felt the need to add an explanatory link) But generally they're either washed up vegetable-enviers or mediocre wannabes. It's unusual for the Doctor to encounter a vast planet-decimating monstrosity (and let's note that Zanak is the Death Star done more cleverly) in its prime. And this is the obvious source of the Doctor's moral outrage in this story. We haven't seen someone so freshly responsible for the annihilation of entire species and cultures in Doctor Who in a long time. When the Doctor tells Romana that they've stumbled upon one of the biggest crimes in history, he's not lying. This isn't a business as usual scheme for Doctor Who.

And that, I think, is Adams's point. That this abstracted philosophy about balance badly misses the point, and that there are real moral horrors in the world. It's a staggering one-two punch from two writers both of whom surely make anybody's list of the ten best writers in Doctor Who. (And seriously, is there anywhere in the classic series where we get two writers of this quality in a row? Barring idiosyncratic though not unjustifiable choices like Shearman or Cornell, surely not until Moffat and Davies pen consecutive stories in 2005 does the series see anything quite like Douglas Adams following Robert Holmes in the running order.) First Holmes knocks down the idea of binary oppositions with his usual "the personal is political" move of reducing everything to the mundane human level. Then Douglas Adams knocks down the idea of "balance" as a fundamental moral good by reminding us of the existence of atrocity. And both do it with wicked senses of humor, jaw-droppingly baroque scripting, and a sense of flamboyant anti-authoritarianism.

The effect is that, two stories in, the Key to Time has magnificently collapsed from an epic Doctor Who story to an anti-epic - a story arc that subverts and mocks the very idea of the epic. This is as good as the show has ever been.

21 comments:

  1. Well, here we are - the very first Doctor Who story I ever saw. I think my disagreements with other Who viewers about what is or isn't a proper direction for the show has a lot to do with the fact that my first contact with the series involved a Douglas Adams script, and a particularly crazy one at that. (I mean "crazy" affectionately.) If this is your intro to the program, and you like it, then of course you'll think the show should feature a lot of humor and social commentary.

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  2. Just to even the scales... The Key To Time is one of my favourite seasons and this is my favourite story therein.

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  3. All through this review, I've kept having to shake my head and tell myself that I'm not reading about "Paradise Towers".

    As for "Pirate Planet" in particular and "Key to Time" generally, I suspect the regular readership of this blog already are big fans.

    I think the previous example of genocide in the series was actually carried out by the Time Lords upon the Fendahl. Prior to that, it was the sui-genocide of the Kastrians. So, we've had genocide quite recently, it's just been good genocide.

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  5. The Doctor is rather unchivalrous about Xanxia isn't he? The script has her down as a disgusting old woman (as if aged womanhood is disgusting in itself), but what we see is a rather sweet looking old lady whose appearance in no way merits the ungentlemanly remarks aimed at her sleeping body. While it's typical of a woman to slaughter zillions for the sake of looking young, I think they should either have presented a proper image of horror, or given her character a bit more tragic depth.

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  6. While it might only be the third best Douglas Adams Doctor who story, when the others are Shada and City of Death that is really not saying much. One of the other things I loved about the swerve at the end was that it had been such an amazingly funny story so far, especially with things like the doctor doing a coin toss and it taking 30 seconds or so for it to fall down, that the horror of the last episode was even more impressive. Also, while it may not have had the best story (Shada) or the best atmosphere (city of death) this was, by far the funniest of the three scripts and probably the most intentially funny script that Doctor Who ever got.

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  7. "Adams's idea is a classic science fiction idea, with its most famous execution probably being Ursula K. LeGuin's 'The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas.'"

    "Omelas" may be its most famous science fiction execution, but its most famous literary execution tout court is in The Brothers Karamazov:

    "'Imagine that you are creating a fabric of human destiny with the object of making men happy in the end, giving them peace and rest at last, but that it was essential and inevitable to torture to death only one tiny creature -- that baby beating its breast with its fist, for instance -- and to found that edifice on its unavenged tears, would you consent to be the architect on those conditions? Tell me, and tell the truth.'

    'No, I wouldn't consent,' said Alyosha softly."

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  8. I never knew this serial had such a poor reputation-I always enjoyed it for many of the reasons Phil already stated. It's probably one of my favourite stories of the season, and I love how Baker just lays into the captain, as everyone seems to as well.

    While it wasn't my first serial, I have a similar history with the series as Jesse. I got all of Tom Baker pretty much at once, and, I was always partial to Seasons 16 and 17 over the other ones in no small part due to Douglas Adams' nuanced grasp of humour and social commentary. I always felt a more overtly humourous one fit Tom Baker's Doctor best, though he's certainly not incapable of gravitas as the aforementioned moralizing in this episode shows. Also, as I've mentioned before, I never quite got the Hinchcliffe/Holmes era when I first saw it-the tone never quite came together for me (and Sarah comes up pretty short next to Romana as far as companions go in my book, though not for lack of Lis Sladen trying). In no small part thanks to Phil's efforts, it does now, but I'll always be a staunch defender of this period of the show's history.

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  9. "But all of this just begs the question - what sort of crisis?"

    And now, a pedantic response:


    I really don't thinks it begs the question, I think it raises the question. I don't really see any logical fallacy here, petitio principii makes no entrance.

    To whit:

    BEgging the question os a form of logical fallacy wherein "a proposition which requires proof is assumed without proof" (thanks Wikipedia!).

    Raising the question is what you did (if A needs a crisis, that raises the question of what sort of crisis A requires).

    Thank you for your time. This is your local pedant, signing off.

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  10. Very insightful, but I don't think this story is about drug addiction so much as it's about imperialism (often compared to piracy).

    Zanak is a culture of indolent and complacent and unquestioning people who kick jewels around their streets whenever their leader simply announces a new golden age of prosperity and the mines just fill up again... and all because their world grabs others, crushes them, sucks them dry of their wealth and then moves on.

    The people don't know because they don't care to know. It isn't convenient for them to know. Rome never looks where she treads, as Kipling put it.

    Even the rebellious Mula and Kimus don't really know that their society is responsible for anything terribly wrong. Kimus complains about not being free. He's angry about police repression but more angry about social conformity, stability, prosperity. In short, his big problem is that he's bored being comfortable. That's why a big deal is made of it when Kimus is told where all that conformity, stability and prosperity actually comes from. He takes a little private moment to make a personal blood oath. His concerns have suddenly and dramatically shifted from bourgeois disaffection to moral outrage at horrific evil that he has just discovered underwriting all his nice clothes.

    This imperialist society even has a little subgroup of dissidents who are calumnied and made into objects of fear and hatred for the population, precisely because they alone seem aware that all the prosperity comes from imperialism.

    The matter of the constant need to feed power into Xanxia's time dams is more about the constant need to funnell more and more resources into empire. The history of every empire shows that they decline because the centre (ie Rome itself) demands more and more from the periphery, from the colonies... this is one of the factors which, for instance, leads to imperialist over-extention. The need for more power is exponential because the system itself creates the ever increasing demand. Imperialism loots resources through theft and murder. Xanxia will always need to keep crushing worlds in order to keep crushing worlds. It is the systemic need that is fed and sustained by the operation of the system. In its way, its like an addiction... but I think just calling it an addiction is too simple, especially if that implies that Adams was positing an original indictment of drug use based on the idea that drug use entailed too much suffering for others. This can be true, but it can also be true of all wealth (ie conformity, stability, prosperity) in imperial systems. The centre gobbles them up at the cost of the colonised, invaded and subjugated... and also at the cost even of the subjects at the centre. The ravenous appetite at the core of imperialism is always the imperial ruling class (ie the Captains and Queens) even if the people of the empire have a relatively comfortable life too.

    Modern capitalism cannot exist without imperialism. Imperialism is generated by it. Asked if he thinks it's "wrong" for mines to just fill up with minerals all by themselves, the Doctor replies: "It's an economic miracle; of course it's wrong!" That, fundamentally, is where 'Pirate Planet' is coming from, I think.

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  11. Sounds like Herbert Spencer's analysis of imperialism.

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  12. While I enjoyed this season, I was mildly annoyed by the apparent lack of thought that went into the connecting premise. I was always bothered by the Manichean setup of the two guardians, as there was no real explanation of what they were - just a lot of handwaving about balance, darkness and light. One of the things that I loved about the show was that no matter how weird things got, it (more often than not) sided with the scientific explanation for such things (eg: they're just aliens/robots, etc. Though the line about Morgaine using sorcery in BATTLEFIELD really rubbed me the wrong way), so it was bothersome to have two ill-defined "gods" just show up all of a sudden.

    And further to your point about "stopping" time, it is also never explained how the Guardians alter the so-called balance of the universe during this stopped moment. Why does time need to be stopped for this - whatever it is - to happen? What does it even mean to restore balance? Do they just zap people they don't like out of existence?

    In addition to how loosely the Key to Time links the episodes of the series together, it isn't until later episodes (STONES OF BLOOD) that we learn that the individual segments seem to have their own special abilities. This feels like something they just made up on the spot. In fact, the entire premise of the MacGuffin itself seems to be so ill-defined and vague, it is little wonder that the Key itself barely factors into the stories of this season. See the THE ARMAGEDDON FACTOR for the strongest example of an episode made up entirely of ill-defined ideas that exist solely to move the plot along.

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  13. When I originally saw this season, I was in the sixth grade and my little brother was in the fourth. He wasn't really watching the show very closely, just hanging around sometimes while I had it on. At the end of the first post-Key of Time story, he turned to me, puzzled, and said, "What about the jewels?"

    "What?" I said.

    "The jewels! Aren't they trying to get some jewels?"

    Apparently, in his halfway-attentive state, he had gathered that the Doctor and Romana were intergalactic jewel thieves. While this may say more about my brother at age nine than it does about the show, it may also indicate the extent to which the Key was interchangeable with any other McGuffin.

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  14. It matters not a whit but, with reference to pedantic responses, the expression is "to wit".

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  15. I make no bones about pointing out that "os a form of logical fallacy" contains a typographical error.

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  16. I must point out that "os" means "bone" in French, thus belying your claim that you make no bones in your post.

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  17. I first saw Pirate Planet at age 11 and hated it. The Captain was so far over the top that even my pre-adolescent sensibilities were offended, and the robot parrot that pooped lasers was just preposterous. It wasn't until I saw it repeats years later that could grok the existential horror of a society that casually engaged in mass murder solely to maintain a high standard of personal comfort.

    That said, the original story must have changed a lot if it was about drug addiction, because I don't see that at all. To me it's a straightforward indictment of imperialism. Instead of using sweatshop labor to make their cheap sneakers, the empire just devours the sweatshop laborers whole.

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  18. Philip Sandifer:
    "the entire reason that Williams was pursuing humorous scripts like those that would be expected from Douglas Adams is that he'd already been told not to pursue scary scripts, making this something of a case of "well what do you want me to do then.""

    I ran into this kind of thing once at a civil engineering company. The owner insisted the furniture in the computer-drafting room be re-arranged. Each suggestion for how to re-arrange the furniture was vetoed by the chief engineer. When, frustrated, I said to him, "Well YOU come up with something, then.", he got VERY annoyed, glared at me, and insisted that we come up with something else. As far as I could see, the main point of re-arranging the furniture was so the owners could look over people's shoulders and make sure they weren't doing personal work on company time. (There was also an intense culture clash at the company, as the owners and many of the employees were from India, whose "caste system" was very much in place. Management treats employees like SCUM, and it's accepted by both sides. Every single employee who was not born in India quit at some point-- the receptionist quit twice, the second time, she changed her phone number so they couldn't keep calling to beg her to come back. I lost a good friend because of that situation.)



    "It's a brilliant contrast - one of the silliest stories we've ever seen is also the one that provokes the most furious reaction from the Doctor."

    Yes. I bet if Hartnell or Colin Baker had had more humor in their stories, they might have been more popular with U.S. audiences.




    "Despite the objects in question generally existing for thousands or millions of years, the Doctor somehow manages to turn up at moments when the objects are also at the heart of some other crisis."

    That kind of sums up every story in the history of this show-- as well as those on THE TIME TUNNEL.




    "We haven't seen someone so freshly responsible for the annihilation of entire species and cultures in Doctor Who in a long time."

    Davros came to mind-- he killed his own people, and because they wanted to end the war.



    WGPJosh:
    "I never quite got the Hinchcliffe/Holmes era when I first saw it-the tone never quite came together for me (and Sarah comes up pretty short next to Romana as far as companions go in my book, though not for lack of Lis Sladen trying)."

    I got to love the stories with Sarah, mostly because of Sarah. But these stories, with a companion who begins so aloof and seemingly above-it-all (Emma Peel without the fighting skills) I got to like on their own terms. It's been said: "Horror is easy; comedy is tough." That means someone here is REALLY doing a damned good job.

    It was nice to see the Doctor-Romana relationship advance a bit. She's still being sarcastic, while laughing to herself when she claims she isn't. But she is getting to like and respect him. At one point, she says, "The Doctor knows what he's doing." Never mind that at that exact moment, he's just been captured and is helpless.

    This story usually boggles my mind. The structure is absolutely brilliant. Adams reveals the plot a tiny bit at a time, in between jokes and action pieces, so that slowly, episode by episode, what's really going on becomes clear. And each time he does, he then dumps more on you. I'm afraid in the 4th episode it gets lost a bit. It's as if the sheer momentum of so much begins to overwhelm itself. Still, it makes for an interesting challenge, to try and keep up with it.

    Isn't it amazing that, if The Doctor hadn't stopped Zanak, that 2 segments of the Key would have been lost, not just 1? (See next story.)

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    1. What, more humor than The Reign of Terror, The Romans, half of The Chase, The Time Meddler, 3/4 of The Myth Makers and the bulk of The Gunfighters?

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  19. Discogs shows only the Italian version of "Kiss You All Over" having the exposed breasts sleeve; the UK RAK edition appears to have come in a plain paper bag, not a picture sleeve.

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